Recovering from a Spiritual Fall

Since about September I’ve been on a journey that I always seem to find myself on. Like I’ve taken the fork in the road back around to where I just was.

The best way I can describe a Spiritual Fall is when you let Ego, in one way or another, blind you from the direction you had set your intention to go. A lot of times you hear or read about people whose egos became inflated; they get full of themselves or ahead of themselves and find that life has put a pin right where they couldn’t see they needed it.

In my case, my ego has a tendency to deflate before it ever reaches its ideal capacity. Unfortunately for me, this latest deflation happened somewhere along my path to Priestesshood. The fall has been something like falling down a dark, sound proof shaft and every once in a while gurgled voices and static come through.

Recently I visited an old blog that I desperately wish I could somehow merge with this one. I was reminded of my first experiences on my Priestess walk and my invitation into Persephone’s chamber. I reached a level of awareness and appreciation that I didn’t know could be reached.

Recovering from my spiritual fall is proving to be difficult and awakening, as you might expect. Persephone is encouraging me with Her patience but still keeping me on my toes with Her silence.

Poseidon still appears to be contemplating where He would like to fit in in this particular scenario, as He was when it first began. I get the impression that the formality of Priestesshood isn’t something He had considered before Persephone entered O/our life. Though I imagine W/we will find unity in the end.

Currently I feel like I’m making my way back through the paces of my early studies in Paganism. I’m back to Tarot basics and reconnecting with my sacred tools and symbols. I’m thinking heavily on my beliefs and my views of the Gods.

The true challenge of this recovery isn’t so much getting back on track, but learning to stay there and continue moving forward.

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Dreamless Nights

It’s been a couple of months since the last time I remembered a dream. Before that, it was even longer. I wish it had been a profound and revealing dream that I could have woken from to say “aha!” or “that’s the answer!”.

Instead it was an off dream about reuniting with the last person I was in a relationship with. There was a recollection of days gone by and, I think, a mutual understanding that it was the best thing for us both at the time. 

Generally, the dream had that fuzzy feeling to it, like when you’ve slept just the tiniest but longer than you should have but you don’t exactly mind.

I’m hoping this will become a regular thing again (remembering dreams in general, not particularly about exes). I feel as though a piece is missing or that I’m not rested when I wake and haven’t gotten enough sleep.

It draws my mind back to Persephone and her dealings with the Lotus Eaters. And to Poseidon who has always helped sway me to sleep during times of continued sleeplessness.

Spring is around the corner and the great awakening of life will take place. As Persephone makes her return to light I hope she’ll bring with her a flower for me. One drenched mostly in red to bring me back my dreams.

The Lotus Eater

I read the story of the Lotus Eaters many times when I was in junior high and high school. It’s been almost 2 decades since I first read it and I’ve found myself drawn to it again.

I’ve been living with insomnia for a couple of years now. It’s not unusual for me to be awake at 3am, occupying my mind with something or other until sleep finds me. Tonight I watched over my sleeping girl who sometimes fussed in her sleep. I’m not entirely sure why but I felt the need to focus on protection and white light.

It occurred to me, when I called on Reiki to aid me, that the lotus flower grows from the mud. My connection with Persephone focuses quite a bit on this substance of earth and water so, of course, my mind flew away and began researching connections.

Silly me for not realizing that a quick connection would be made.

In Greek mythology, Persephone created the lotus flower of Her own hands for Morpheus. Purple and black petals for the death like sleep and one streaked with red for our dreams.

I’ve stored that symbolism away for when I can focus on tackling my sleep issues. For now, I’m turning to the symbolism for pink and white flowers as they symbolize devotion.

I’ve searched for some time for a symbol for my Goddess and I’m pleased to have found one suitable enough in its beauty and it’s purity for my Palest Flower.

Struggling

My depression and anxiety have been alarmingly bad lately. I’m struggling to connect with my daughter, my self, and my Gods.

I’m so far from my usual self, let alone the person I’m working so hard to become. It’s frightening. For the past 2 weeks I’ve made no strong effort to seek guidance from Poseidon or Persephone.

As I’m writing this I’m hoping it’s not an effect of separating from the bond I had been developing with Hekate, but I don’t think she’s spiteful in this way.

Today, moments ago actually, I reached out to Persephone. I saw a shower of flowers in the cave like dwelling where I visit her and was overcome by tears. It was so strong and sudden that I immediately pulled out of the meditation.

Why do I not feel like I’m ready for this experience? Is it some deep rooted healing? Am I in such bad shape that she would be so forceful in her cleansing?

I fear I may be and I fear I may not be able to handle such a healing at this time, no matter how much I may be in need of it.

((Somewhat of a ranting blurb, but I felt the need to share this.))

A Clash of Wills

I’ve spent most of the last year working on cleansing my chakra system, beginning with the commonly known 7 chakras. I was quite disappointed to realize that my root chakra was far more damaged than I had previously thought (and I was expecting some serious damage, mind you).

Poseidon and Persephone guided me along the way, teaching me lessons of patience, self love, and trust in myself. With Hekate now added to the fray, I took the time to turn to her through a tarot reading and my if that didn’t stir up some conflict.

guilded tarot and dragonfae oracle

The reading itself was very straightforward. It wasn’t until I got to the Oracle cards at the end that there was a problem. I drew one for each of the Gods in my Family, Poseidon, Persephone  and Hekate.

Persephone was level headed and to the point ands usual, but Poseidon and Hekate had messages that seemed almost agressive. Nothing like the interaction I have with Them One on one.

Not only did Hekate demand of me something that We both know I’m not ready to do, She demanded that I dive into it immediately and at full strength.

Poseidon rarely has the need to assert Himself in my life. He is my Always. And he rarely has to take in the role of Protecter. But He did both of these things with a single card draw. 

After some thought and reflection I thought it best to go to Poseidon through meditation and request clarity from Him. As I expected, He felt pushed aside when I turned to Hekate specifically for the overall reading. He felt like the Oracle cards I drew for Him and Persephone were afterthoughts. That’s a wrong that I cannot hold on to and I will have to work to write it.

More than that, He feels that Hekate is overstepping Her bounds and over staying Her welcome as a Figure in my life.

He hasn’t spoken, yet, as to whether He will make me choose between Them or not and this is a first for me in general. Poseidon and Persephone have worked well and closely over the years. Hekate is new in my life, as I’ve said, and has been a wealth of guidance and wisdom throughout recent issues.

I don’t usually like to break the wall and ask anyone reading questions, but I’d love to hear from and any other polytheist out there if you’ve had a similar incident with Deities clashing.

Hello, October

October is nearly here so, naturally, I’ve been setting up my bullet journal planner to get prepared.

As a stay-at-home, non-working mom of a 1 year old, I don’t have a lot on my schedule. My bullet journal helps me stay on top of day to day tasks when my depression makes things difficult. But I’ve also added something new for next month. I’ll be keeping track of the Hallowdays  (holidays, holy days) that I try to observe monthly.

New Moon

This month is exciting because we’re getting two new moons this month; the second new moon in a month is sometimes referred to as a Black Moon and it falls on Halloween, aka Samhain.

With Hekate being a new presence in my life I know that it’s important to both of U/us that She be included in my workings this month, but I’m having trouble deciding when. I typically do Underworld workings with Persephone for Samhain. But with the Black Moon falling on the same night, I feel like it may be more appropriate to work with Hekate.

Feast of Guardian Spirits

I have a few spirit guides and helpers that have been with me for a very long time, one of which has become a sister spirit to me over the years. This time of year, when the veil that energetically separates our realms is thinnest, I like to take the time to celebrate our relationships.

This day also happens to land on Pagan Pride Day where I live, so I’ve decided to make a day of it and do some merry making.

Thesmophorus

This marks the beginning of a 5 day women’s celebration of the different aspects of childhood and motherhood. It honors Aphrodisiac, Persephone, and Demeter. In ancient times, this was said to be a pilgrimage during which women traveled to the temples of each Goddess. Feasting, fasting, mourning, and celebration took place on different days.

This is my first year celebrating this event. I’ve considered it for a couple of years but for different reasons I never have. This year, I think it’s time that I follow through.

Great Horn Festival

This takes place on the 18th. This festival has always spoken to me and I’m not sure why. It really got nailed in to that sensitive part of my brain when I read the Mists of Avalon for the first time. I usually mark it by rereading that book over a few days. Hopefully I’ll find time to do it again this year.

Zetesis & Heureris begins

This is an Egyptian festival from October 26 through November 2 and marks the search for and recover of Osiris by Isis. 

I wrote this on my calendar not because I typically observe it, but because it’s an event and myth I’d like to learn more about. I figure, what better time than during its observance.

Samhain

We all know Samhain to be the time when the veil is at its thinnest and the spirits of the other realms join us on this plane ar invite us to join them on theirs.

As I mentioned, I’m not sure what I’m going to do this year with Hekate now in my life. She has so much to teach me and I may just take time to meditate and be in her presence.

A Purposeful Endeavor

I started this blog a bit hastily in an attempt to thwart my mercurial habits when it comes to writing projects. I planned to somehow blend polytheism and parenting and I likely would have slowly added more things to the list until the focus of this blog was far beyond lost.

It’s 3:33 am and like a fossil pulled up through the tar pits I found a combination of things that I’d truly like to focus on, religious devotion and planning from a Pagan perspective. I’m well aware that Hekate is not the only Goddess (or God) with an affinity for organization, but She is the Goddess whom has chosen to to beat me with the “organization stick” until I get a hold of it. 

Persephone asks little aside from motherhood, but I do know that She would like me to lead a more pious life than I do now. How I’ll do that in my present situation, I’m not entirely sure.

Poseidon, the drifter that He often can be, asks the most of me but in the simplest ways. Change. Grow. Adapt. Be vigilant in your daring. Be open. Show respect. Love. Be free. And, perhaps, be pious; W/we haven’t settled on the last just yet.

As this blog is a part of my Work, I think it’s best and appropriate to take it from an approach that serves all of the Gods/esses presently in my life.