15 Years

I’ve been doing some reflecting on where my path began lately and realized that this year marks 15 years since I began a journey of self discovery through Paganism. I’ve written before, I think, about how my path began when I read The Odyssey for the first time in my junior high school library. It was a crackly, blue, hardcover book that the librarian told me hadn’t been checked out since she had been working there.

I checked it out several more times that school year and sought it out the next year to find that it had been swept away with the other unpopular books. I moved on to reading everything I could find about the ancient Gods and was overjoyed whenever my Ancient History class touched on the subject.

I didn’t know then that I’d been on this path now. I didn’t even know the term Pagan or that it was an available path to follow.

All I knew was that the God of The Bible was not the only to receive love and honor. I had tried to give Him my love and I had tried to receive His, but I never felt Him. There was never a connection.

I searched endlessly for that connection until I was 18, spending my days and evenings wandering the shelves in the local Borders bookstore day after day reading (but not buying…) their books on Greek Mythology, when I discovered the metaphysical section and learned that people worshiped, loved, and honored these Gods and others like Them.

I took a chance and began talking to Them like I had tried to talk to the God of The Bible. I spoke, I wrote, I thought, and I began meditating for the first time. And I waited.

At the time I was an avid writer and was working tirelessly on a comic book script. My time spent searching for the presence of these new-old Gods was focused on finding Apollo. So when the first signs came to me I knew it must be Him. I grasped firmly to that idea for a year, wondering why I didn’t feel fulfilled in that aspect of my spirituality.

Then He came to me. Bold and strong. Dark and awe inspiring. My loosely Christian upbringing led me to interpret His signs as those of Hades. Dark, smoldering, with a “pitchfork” of sorts in His hand. His patience was endless as I tried convincing myself of who He was, but He wasn’t.

While Hades lent me His council on many things during this time as I gave Him praise Poseidon sat closely by my side, whispering truths. And when I finally welcomed Him in my heart, He left a place for Hades that would be filled by His Lady Persephone in the next couple of years.

Throughout that time I sought council and learned lessons from the Gods – some Greek, some Egyptian, some Norse. There are still whispers from some, God or otherwise I’m not sure, that I haven’t yet clarified. I’ve met guides and spirits in passing and welcomed my One, Sunrise, into my life.

My depression still sometimes interferes with my ability to connect to the Gods and to nature (and to myself and the people around me, for that matter), but along with my daughter, the Gods help me to work through it and continue on this path.

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The Lotus Eater

I read the story of the Lotus Eaters many times when I was in junior high and high school. It’s been almost 2 decades since I first read it and I’ve found myself drawn to it again.

I’ve been living with insomnia for a couple of years now. It’s not unusual for me to be awake at 3am, occupying my mind with something or other until sleep finds me. Tonight I watched over my sleeping girl who sometimes fussed in her sleep. I’m not entirely sure why but I felt the need to focus on protection and white light.

It occurred to me, when I called on Reiki to aid me, that the lotus flower grows from the mud. My connection with Persephone focuses quite a bit on this substance of earth and water so, of course, my mind flew away and began researching connections.

Silly me for not realizing that a quick connection would be made.

In Greek mythology, Persephone created the lotus flower of Her own hands for Morpheus. Purple and black petals for the death like sleep and one streaked with red for our dreams.

I’ve stored that symbolism away for when I can focus on tackling my sleep issues. For now, I’m turning to the symbolism for pink and white flowers as they symbolize devotion.

I’ve searched for some time for a symbol for my Goddess and I’m pleased to have found one suitable enough in its beauty and it’s purity for my Palest Flower.

Minotaur Moon

The 14th was a full moon, a Super Moon at that, and my did it’s magic have things in store for me.

I’m not yet ready to share the details on this blog, but I was graced with a long coming awakening that has rejuvenated me like nothing else has.

In my last post, I talked about the conflict between Poseidon and Hekate and I believe this was a direct result of my fears of choosing between Them. I was shown that despite the differences in how They choose to work with me, Their combines energies are awe strikingly powerful.

Hekate pulled back the shadows surrounding my secrets and painlessly dragged them from me and into the light. Poseidon washed away as much of the trauma from them as was due at this time. The impact on me has been not just spiritual, but physical as well.

In Reiki, we learn that a deep healing of past traumas can result in physical symptoms and I’m experiencing this firsthand for the first time.

I feel so blessed to have received the gift of this healing despite the wrongdoing I made to Poseidon. As atonement I’ve named the November full moon for Him with the name Minotaur Moon.

It’s a moon of breaking down walls and revealing the inner mysteries without hesitation.

I keep using the word “blessed” lately but I can’t describe in any other way. I feel so blessed that with each passing day I feel my relationships with the Gods growing. I’m truly experiencing the results of my piety.