Self Discovery Through Journaling

Journaling used to be something I did when I was down. I journaled regularly from around 7 or 8 years old all the way through life. Mostly it was text. Pages and pages (and pages…seriously I wrote a lot in one sitting) of emotional text. I would write and it would sit on the page and fester.

They say there’s no wrong way to journal but, for me, that was the wrong way. I spilled everything onto the page without processing my feelings.

When Hekate entered my life this year She set me on a journey to find the right way. First with bullet journaling. I learned to organize all the things in my head without being too restricting. Tasks, events (what few I may have), journaling, and the endless supply of random ideas I have. All in one place.

I became comfortable with the my junk drawer of a mind and fell into an easy step with my bullet journal. Hekate led me by the hand (tugging at me a little to keep up…because She’ll do that) to the point in my journey where I now rest comfortably: traveler’s notebooks.

The method is simple -small notebook “inserts” placed into a simple cover via elastic bands- and the system of bullet journaling can still be applied. I tackled the DIY lifestyle and made my own notebook cover and inserts (after much trial and error even still). My traveler’s notebook has become more than “the thing I journal in”. It’s a companion, a friend, and assistant. 

Like a horcrux, but without the murder and the evil. A piece of me lives in it.

I’m finding that this is increasingly more true as I move forward with this style of journaling. At this stop on the journey, Hekate has shown me that journaling does not need to be frantic words that I spill onto the page without thought. It can be a tool for discovering myself not only later, but as Im journaling. It can be artistic. Visual. Interactive.

Ah, yes. Art journaling is where I have found myself from following behind Hekate’s billowing cloak.

I have never considered myself an artistic person. I used to cringe at the sight of any doodle, sketch, or handcrafted artwork of mine, be it traditional or digital. Now I look at my journal pages with watercolors and collages and I’m inspired and grateful to have discovered this ability, this piece of myself that I had never met before.

I find myself needing fewer words to express my thoughts and emotions. I react to my thoughts as I place them on each page and record them in turn. I draw conclusions and find solutions without brewing over my frustrations for days on end.

And at this stop, Hekate has gotten off the journey. Perhaps only for the time being.

Poseidon never made me choose but I’ve come to understand that I did so anyway. I didn’t put Him in a position to have to ask me to choose. Now Hekate lurks around the edges, patient, perhaps, for me to call on Her again.

I feel the openness of the space that W/we had made for H/her and I know that now W/we have to fill it back in. My pace has faltered from losing this Friend. This Guide. This Wise Woman who showed me my own hands and let me see their beauty.

I feel no malice from Her, but I know that if and when the time comes that I return to Her, it better be bearing gifts and marks of progress.

Hello, October

October is nearly here so, naturally, I’ve been setting up my bullet journal planner to get prepared.

As a stay-at-home, non-working mom of a 1 year old, I don’t have a lot on my schedule. My bullet journal helps me stay on top of day to day tasks when my depression makes things difficult. But I’ve also added something new for next month. I’ll be keeping track of the Hallowdays  (holidays, holy days) that I try to observe monthly.

New Moon

This month is exciting because we’re getting two new moons this month; the second new moon in a month is sometimes referred to as a Black Moon and it falls on Halloween, aka Samhain.

With Hekate being a new presence in my life I know that it’s important to both of U/us that She be included in my workings this month, but I’m having trouble deciding when. I typically do Underworld workings with Persephone for Samhain. But with the Black Moon falling on the same night, I feel like it may be more appropriate to work with Hekate.

Feast of Guardian Spirits

I have a few spirit guides and helpers that have been with me for a very long time, one of which has become a sister spirit to me over the years. This time of year, when the veil that energetically separates our realms is thinnest, I like to take the time to celebrate our relationships.

This day also happens to land on Pagan Pride Day where I live, so I’ve decided to make a day of it and do some merry making.

Thesmophorus

This marks the beginning of a 5 day women’s celebration of the different aspects of childhood and motherhood. It honors Aphrodisiac, Persephone, and Demeter. In ancient times, this was said to be a pilgrimage during which women traveled to the temples of each Goddess. Feasting, fasting, mourning, and celebration took place on different days.

This is my first year celebrating this event. I’ve considered it for a couple of years but for different reasons I never have. This year, I think it’s time that I follow through.

Great Horn Festival

This takes place on the 18th. This festival has always spoken to me and I’m not sure why. It really got nailed in to that sensitive part of my brain when I read the Mists of Avalon for the first time. I usually mark it by rereading that book over a few days. Hopefully I’ll find time to do it again this year.

Zetesis & Heureris begins

This is an Egyptian festival from October 26 through November 2 and marks the search for and recover of Osiris by Isis. 

I wrote this on my calendar not because I typically observe it, but because it’s an event and myth I’d like to learn more about. I figure, what better time than during its observance.

Samhain

We all know Samhain to be the time when the veil is at its thinnest and the spirits of the other realms join us on this plane ar invite us to join them on theirs.

As I mentioned, I’m not sure what I’m going to do this year with Hekate now in my life. She has so much to teach me and I may just take time to meditate and be in her presence.