As a Pagan in a, generally, Christian household I’ve had to accept that there are certain things I can’t do, certain things I have to tolerate, and certainly things I have to here.
This Christmas weekend was one of those moments where I could not tolerate the comments.
My mother has consistently held a belief that much of what I do is wrong or evil. Tarot reading, Reiki, spellcrafting, meditation. She has even scoffed at my food choices and my choices of nonviolence. If you can believe it, she even consistently ridicules me for refusing to accept racist stereotypes. All because I am Pagan.
On Christmas weekend she was going on about a man who came in to her office at work. He had a cross tattoo on his forehead and she immediately labeled him a Satan worshipper.
All of my attempts to explain that he may not have been such and that, even if he were, it may not even be by the definition that she applies to the term were dismissed by her talking over me and insisting that she knew better than I.
She went on to say that Pagans and Heathens were all devil worshippers and that the names originated from backwoods devil worshippers.
I tried telling her that she was misinformed and that she was misinformed and her definition was incorrect, to which she replied that it wasn’t her definition, etc.
I’m rambling on here because I’m remeber how tense and frustrating of a situation it was. For me, discussions like that with my mom have led to verbal and emotional abuse including getting put out of the house.
Eventually we both fortified our positions with silence and tried to move on.
Apparently she took that time to research her statements, hoping to prove me wrong. Instead, she came back to the kitchen with an apology.
My mother is not one admit being wrong but, in light of recent events here in the USA, I think she’s trying harder to be tolerant of things that are different from her beliefs.
I was so shocked by her apology and her admission of being wrong. I was moved (as far as I could be by her) by her bravery and maturity in handling the situation and correcting her comments.
I don’t know how long she will hold on to this information before she turns a judging eye back to anyone who doesn’t have the same faith as she. For now I will accept what she’s given and try to expand my understanding of why she so easily believes the worst of me.